The truth is, I’m a total passenger princess when it comes to hunting (and driving, anything to do with snow removal, car repair, waxing skis… should I keep going?!). Back to hunting. Two years ago we committed to only eating meat from the freezer, which is mostly game animals plus some fish from Alaska.
I could not be more on board with the ethics of hunting, and I have a lot to say about how it’s influencing our parenting choices. But I have no interest in being the person to shoot the animal. It’s beautiful, connected, raw, honest. I love the connection it brings to our food and the reverence that we feel for the animal that gave its life. I love sneaking around the woods on crisp fall days, trying to think like a big prey animal, and the stillness of waiting. But I really don’t care about being the person on our team to hunt.
Practically, we now have now have a dependent. One of us needs to watch him. But there’s more to my wanting to stay home and wanting Jake to go out without me. I LOVE that he has a true passion that’s his and his alone. Something he’s excited about 365 days a year and practicing 365 days a year. It’s purpose and it’s commitment beyond our family.
My girlfriend sent me an instagram video of a husband carrying eight different sports equipment items and a wife looking at him wondering what her hobbies are. It resonated, and almost stung as I realized part of me is morphing into something that I feared before having a baby.
There will never be anything in the world more important to me than my children and raising my children. And I need to remind myself that it’s not my only identity. I see and am so wary losing my identity and only finding purpose and joy in my children. It seems like that would but undue pressure t on the kids, it could feel really hollow once the kids are big etc. And when I look at how I spend my time, I wonder what the hell I do for fun thats mine and mine alone?
Pursuing my passions, finding things that bring me joy is some of the most important role modeling I can do for my kids. Showing Augie that unconditional love and taking care of my grown ass adult self coexist beautifully is an essential, foundational lesson.
And first few years of parenting are freaking intense! Working or not, daycare or not, it’s a full court press to raise little ones. Jake and I are both working, both full time childcare, both engaged in a long distance endurance event 24/7. I’m happier and more settled than I’ve ever been in my life. I feel like my dreams are coming true with each passing day, AND now that my child’s over a year old I need to make more time for myself completely outside of motherhood.
Here are the three things I’m doing that are pure JOY for me and are my hobbies alone outside of my marriage and motherhood:
hip hop “classes”: Once a week gathering with a few friends after baby bedtime and taking an online class together. Dancing is 110% the most stress reducing, joy inducing activity for me. And working on “booty rolls” with two friends at 9 pm on a Tuesday is absolutely absurd and really fills my cup.
Singing lessons: Another pure joy activity for me that I haven’t formally practiced or learned since I was a child (looking at you, Julia!). I asked Jake for lessons for Christmas, so stay tuned ;)
A few mornings a week, going to the gym without the baby. I LOVE working out with Augie, and I think it’s so important for him to see it/learn it. And I’m playing with filling my own cup— waking up early and so I can get to the gym and home before Jake has to go to the bakery. Especially after a hard night of nighttime parenting, it’s made a huge difference in my mood and energy levels.
I’ll report back, but I have a feeling that efforts to be my own person will only help the team :)